Obama's image everywhere but here

This NY Times article is pretty interesting, it reports on reactions from around the world regarding Obama's candidacy:

http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/05/reactions-from-around-the-world/

Nostalgia

I find myself feeling it more and more and more now that college is starting to wind down. I've still got my nose to the grindstone but it is so weird feeling like this is it...

The world is awaiting and all I've got is a bag of wind.

Ralph Waldo Emerson pretty much sums it up...

"We are students of words: we are shut up in schools, and colleges, and recitation-rooms, for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a bad of wind, a memory of words, and do not know a thing."

I chucked myself.

I feel like I've chucked myself down a hill. rolling and rolling and no where near anything to grab onto for stability. just a balancing act, free falling into serenity of mind and

Life's moving so fast but I am perfectly still. I am one with the One. Truth surrounds me. He's the insulating blanket I wrap myself around on winter nights, keeping me warm from the inside out. He is my favorite sweatshirt. He the fire in my living room. cracking logs and entertaining me with sweet simple beauty. He is the clouds overhead moving through my mind in shapes created solely for Glorification.
He is every single bright hole poked into the sky, looking upon my head, speaking softly saying "look up, I've got you covered"



there's ash in my mouth and the landscape lies ahead. He points to the city at large while I'm wrapped around His finger.

"Sick 'em Sister"


and so I keep falling.

graduation

This morning I woke up late. i crawled out of bed on autopilot, did my normal routine then chose from the list of options what i had to do. when i realized i didn't have to go to work, i started looking for what needed to be done; for what priority toped my brain when i racked my brain.



i was listening to coldplay this morning, looking at fixed gears on craigs list and thinking to myself that i only have one more year of college left. i feel like i have four years, 8 semesters of knowledge to absorb till i get chucked out on my butt on some doorstep with a sign around my neck saying "hire me", thumb in mouth and all.

it's going to be crazy when i actually do graduate.. i have no idea what i'm going to do... maybe spain maybe israel maybe nowhere maybe new york i don't know


we will see. just anywhere but here. anyone want to live with me in spain? or israel?

tu quieres vivar en Espania con mi?



let go
lets go
let run
lets run



time goes by and time passes by so we sing..

this is a teardrop in an ocean.

today was weird...

there are a lot of things changing and I almost let someone yank the rug of hope to which I stand one right out from under my feet, but i refuse to fall flat on my face. today was a very emotional day.. there have been three or four occasions after work that have made my eyes pool. and nothing drastic like the death of a family or anything, i guess more so the death of myself than anything.


i attending my own funeral today. i buried the corpse of my 20 year old shell and i'm declaring from this day forward that what i once was is not who i will be. it is not who i am.

I did my absolutely favorite thing on saturday with one of many of my favorite people to hang out with. I went to borders with aaron and looked through a bunch of books, started reading the beginning of a book called "The Road" by the same guy that wrote "No Country for Old Men". I put it down because it sparked this whole hopeless thing. it would be just another book that I have read to put on my gigantic bookshelf that I'm planning to have put in my house around whatever room I decide. a collection of books with notes scribbled in the sidelines to say, "Hey world! Look what I've done! Look how disciplined and how many different words I know! I can comfortably say that I can now write my own novel. and out-write you! I can write twelve pages on the light and shadowing of this room. so INYOURFACE"

but anyways, I started to look at all the books that the beatniks wrote, Jack Kerouac William Burroughs and the lot. I came across a book called "The Outlaw Bible of American Poetry" and stumbled across some amazing poetry.. Woody Guthrie was even in there, which makes me happy because I love old folk. At any rate, everyone should go look up a poem by Alan Kaufman called "let us"


in the mean time, chew on this.


Untitled

"Art is Love is God"
-Wallace Berman


my thoughts just vomited onto the page...
sorry for those who have come across this. this is more for me than for others.
this is a teardrop in an ocean.
stay tuned for more waves of thoughts... or sobs.


whichever you come first.





OhGod.. Whyme..helpme

p.s. I think it's ironic that my last post was on july 12 and it's now july 21.


the path
the stairway


???///

the stairway

I didn't realize how many steps I've taken till I look down and see all the stairs below me.

sometimes life can either be the slow ascend, barely noticing that your climbing, growing, let alone walking.
or it can be the deep stairs that divide all other thoughts right down the center. the one stair, that until we take that step, we don't move anywhere.

I believe i've had a bit of both. sprinkled in here and there when the other gets to be to common place.






I don't even know if any of this makes sense..


but then again, what really does make sense anymore?

the Path

oh God...

where am i headed?

the Word

And now, these three remain: faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love.

-1 corinthians 13:13


love is the only constant.
"The love of God changes us and we're never the same after we encounter the love of God"
When we get to heaven, we will not need faith or hope because we will see the Lord sitting at His proper place, but we will still have the love of God just as much as when we did on earth.


Holy Jesus I'm so lovesick.

I'm shaking because of the void, I need Your love Father... I need it more than food and life itself. I couldn't care less about anything, I need Your love like the drugs that try to mimic the feeling of Your love... Your "ecstasy"

all I want is YOU

I can't believe

I just posted two posts with the same title. bwahahhaha that's pretty awesome.

wow..

Jesus continues to amaze me everyday. He is teaching me so much and so much of it is completely unteachable by any sort of human standards. I don't think I can even explain it.. It's just Him. You can learn so much by just sitting and listening to what he has to say.

It's truly amazing...


I've been really questioning where I am right now, especially considering that my schooling is conflicting with me going to church wed. And I really would like to worship in fellowship with everyone else, but I know I am called to be a journalist, at least in schooling. I do know what I am supposed to do, I just have no idea how it's going to actually happen. I do know that God will provide it at the right time. I just have to be with Him and everything will come to me at just the time he wants it too.

I also know that I am supposed to be in rowing right now because my coach increased my scholarship to full ride for this last semester. PRAISE YOU JESUS oh FATHER

HALLELUJAH


You are revealing so much to me and how much I love YOU YOU YOU YOU not IT I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF ALL THINGS NO MATTER WHAT IT IS YOU ARE THE SOURCE YOU ARE THE SOURCE YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER IT ALL YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER ME YOU HAVE OVERTAKEN ME JESUS YOU ARE SO AMAZING JEEEEEEEEEESUS

wow...

life has been beyond crazy...

many changes are happening, many crazy things are coming, and many things are still to come. I can't believe everything that is going on, I feel so bla to it all.


"fix your soul on Heaven..."
"you're not alone"



Angels have been following me around...
thank GOD for His GRACE

since i've been gone

Spring semester started and I've been nonstop since.

My good friend Aaron left a message on my phone that said "you're probably face down in your pillow or running around like a mad woman, so give me a call back when you find some time."
I didn't realize how true this was till I took a step back and looked at my life.

I've been getting attacked like crazy from the devil. he's been trying to take away the joy and awesome love of Jesus from me that i've been experiencing like crazy. Yesturday was a hard day. I messed up big time, which was stupid and then a demon tried to haunt me in my sleep. I've had a headache all day but I'm finally standing on the fact that God is light. I am immersed in who God is so therefore as a law of nature, no darkness can touch me. I proclaim that in the name of JESUSSSS.

SO
This semester is our racing season for rowing. Last Friday, when we did race pieces, I tore my arm up. The tendon in the arm that I feather with (the one that I move the blade of the oar from perpendicular to the water to parallel) is torn at a microscopic level. The training room that Athletics offers us sucks. big time. all they ever tell any of the rowers to do is just ice and heat. They must think that our sport really isn't that hard on our bodies. I guess 6 days a week, twice a day being four of those days, isn't hard on our bodies at all. not to mention we get up at 5am. No biggie though. psh. They told a girl who threw out her back to ice and heat and she'd be fine. That it was some muscle thing. I guess they don't understand that a BONE in her SPINE is out of place. ugh.

SO I've been on land for the past week just going on runs every single day. And I can't tell you how much I miss rowing. I miss being on the water sooo bad. I'm seeing a sports physical therapist whose actually treating my arm for what it's worth. He's giving me a deep tissue massage every time I go in, which is good. He's given me exercises to do as well. Hopefully I'll get back on the water as soon as I can.


As of right now, I'm off to practice and then to soak in the Holy amazing presence of Jesus.

annndd

the rain is pouring outside. this usually makes me happy, but for some reason, i've been stuck inside all day and there's a hurricane going on in my head... i'm thinking a million miles a minute and i can't seem to slow down. i guess that's just when i block it all out and go on with my day... just numb and irritable.


i've been reading harry potter which is enjoyable. i've almost been immersing myself in it. it's weird, sometimes i start thinking in harry potter terms. eww.


i want to get closer to jesus, to spend more time in prayer everyday ESPECIALLY because i'm not in school and i have so much free time like writing on this crap, but i haven't felt anything to pray for. i kind of just assume that he knows my every thought and move and therefore helps me, which he does, but still... there's a longing.

ugh

i miss writing so much, i really should get back to it. i don't want to writ unless it's for one thing, God. I don't know why i sometimes lack the "divine inspiration" to write, but i guess rants like this are just as good.


I was planning on going to my cabin this weekend, but due to the insane storm that was coming (with blizzard warnings and all) I decided to bail out and plan on next weekend. but the lame thing is, when i asked Matt, my youth leader pastor guy, if it was ok that we go, he said it wasn't and that we shouldn't. but when i asked him "what if my Dad comes along?" he said, well i don't know. that's up to your dad i guess, because it's under his jurisdiction and he doesn't want to interfere with my dad's parenting. i guess i'm just way confused because it's my dad's jurisdiction in the first place if we can even go... so...

i called my dad that night and talked to him, my dad was like go, you'll be fine. I don't have a problem with it and that's all that really matters. and i guess he's right, but i don't know. i still had an urk-y feeling about it in my gut. i just don't understand why adults can't go up to a cabin to go snowboarding. I think he might have misunderstood or something and thought that we were just strictly going up there to hang out, not to go snowboarding or anything. but still, he said it's putting yourself in a situation. I completely understand though, yet i completely disagree. he also said that we are to "flee all appearances of evil" which is biblical but i just don't understand how there is room for judgment when you say your going with a bunch of friends to snowboard for the weekend.

i understand the whole separate guys and girls. and i know that there is a possibility that something back and sinful will happen, but there is also a possibility that i could go and sin right now. how is the location change any different?


oh Jesus... help me...



i don't see the wrong in it. I wasn't even going to ask matt in the first place but josiah insisted that i talk with him before i leave.

now that this whole thing is going on, matt and siobahn want to meet with josiah and i when they get back from texas next week. I just hope to GOD that i can get one simple snowboarding trip in before i have to hammer myself into the ground when school starts up again... i need some sort of vacation...


but i guess that's to big of a sin. =/

hello world

Hello world,

It's been a while... hope your doing ok. sometimes i miss you and then i realize what i have and how much better it is.



p.s. listen to anathello.




mylittledrummerboy



annefaceee