this is a teardrop in an ocean.

today was weird...

there are a lot of things changing and I almost let someone yank the rug of hope to which I stand one right out from under my feet, but i refuse to fall flat on my face. today was a very emotional day.. there have been three or four occasions after work that have made my eyes pool. and nothing drastic like the death of a family or anything, i guess more so the death of myself than anything.


i attending my own funeral today. i buried the corpse of my 20 year old shell and i'm declaring from this day forward that what i once was is not who i will be. it is not who i am.

I did my absolutely favorite thing on saturday with one of many of my favorite people to hang out with. I went to borders with aaron and looked through a bunch of books, started reading the beginning of a book called "The Road" by the same guy that wrote "No Country for Old Men". I put it down because it sparked this whole hopeless thing. it would be just another book that I have read to put on my gigantic bookshelf that I'm planning to have put in my house around whatever room I decide. a collection of books with notes scribbled in the sidelines to say, "Hey world! Look what I've done! Look how disciplined and how many different words I know! I can comfortably say that I can now write my own novel. and out-write you! I can write twelve pages on the light and shadowing of this room. so INYOURFACE"

but anyways, I started to look at all the books that the beatniks wrote, Jack Kerouac William Burroughs and the lot. I came across a book called "The Outlaw Bible of American Poetry" and stumbled across some amazing poetry.. Woody Guthrie was even in there, which makes me happy because I love old folk. At any rate, everyone should go look up a poem by Alan Kaufman called "let us"


in the mean time, chew on this.


Untitled

"Art is Love is God"
-Wallace Berman


my thoughts just vomited onto the page...
sorry for those who have come across this. this is more for me than for others.
this is a teardrop in an ocean.
stay tuned for more waves of thoughts... or sobs.


whichever you come first.





OhGod.. Whyme..helpme