I chucked myself.

I feel like I've chucked myself down a hill. rolling and rolling and no where near anything to grab onto for stability. just a balancing act, free falling into serenity of mind and

Life's moving so fast but I am perfectly still. I am one with the One. Truth surrounds me. He's the insulating blanket I wrap myself around on winter nights, keeping me warm from the inside out. He is my favorite sweatshirt. He the fire in my living room. cracking logs and entertaining me with sweet simple beauty. He is the clouds overhead moving through my mind in shapes created solely for Glorification.
He is every single bright hole poked into the sky, looking upon my head, speaking softly saying "look up, I've got you covered"



there's ash in my mouth and the landscape lies ahead. He points to the city at large while I'm wrapped around His finger.

"Sick 'em Sister"


and so I keep falling.

graduation

This morning I woke up late. i crawled out of bed on autopilot, did my normal routine then chose from the list of options what i had to do. when i realized i didn't have to go to work, i started looking for what needed to be done; for what priority toped my brain when i racked my brain.



i was listening to coldplay this morning, looking at fixed gears on craigs list and thinking to myself that i only have one more year of college left. i feel like i have four years, 8 semesters of knowledge to absorb till i get chucked out on my butt on some doorstep with a sign around my neck saying "hire me", thumb in mouth and all.

it's going to be crazy when i actually do graduate.. i have no idea what i'm going to do... maybe spain maybe israel maybe nowhere maybe new york i don't know


we will see. just anywhere but here. anyone want to live with me in spain? or israel?

tu quieres vivar en Espania con mi?



let go
lets go
let run
lets run



time goes by and time passes by so we sing..

this is a teardrop in an ocean.

today was weird...

there are a lot of things changing and I almost let someone yank the rug of hope to which I stand one right out from under my feet, but i refuse to fall flat on my face. today was a very emotional day.. there have been three or four occasions after work that have made my eyes pool. and nothing drastic like the death of a family or anything, i guess more so the death of myself than anything.


i attending my own funeral today. i buried the corpse of my 20 year old shell and i'm declaring from this day forward that what i once was is not who i will be. it is not who i am.

I did my absolutely favorite thing on saturday with one of many of my favorite people to hang out with. I went to borders with aaron and looked through a bunch of books, started reading the beginning of a book called "The Road" by the same guy that wrote "No Country for Old Men". I put it down because it sparked this whole hopeless thing. it would be just another book that I have read to put on my gigantic bookshelf that I'm planning to have put in my house around whatever room I decide. a collection of books with notes scribbled in the sidelines to say, "Hey world! Look what I've done! Look how disciplined and how many different words I know! I can comfortably say that I can now write my own novel. and out-write you! I can write twelve pages on the light and shadowing of this room. so INYOURFACE"

but anyways, I started to look at all the books that the beatniks wrote, Jack Kerouac William Burroughs and the lot. I came across a book called "The Outlaw Bible of American Poetry" and stumbled across some amazing poetry.. Woody Guthrie was even in there, which makes me happy because I love old folk. At any rate, everyone should go look up a poem by Alan Kaufman called "let us"


in the mean time, chew on this.


Untitled

"Art is Love is God"
-Wallace Berman


my thoughts just vomited onto the page...
sorry for those who have come across this. this is more for me than for others.
this is a teardrop in an ocean.
stay tuned for more waves of thoughts... or sobs.


whichever you come first.





OhGod.. Whyme..helpme

p.s. I think it's ironic that my last post was on july 12 and it's now july 21.


the path
the stairway


???///

the stairway

I didn't realize how many steps I've taken till I look down and see all the stairs below me.

sometimes life can either be the slow ascend, barely noticing that your climbing, growing, let alone walking.
or it can be the deep stairs that divide all other thoughts right down the center. the one stair, that until we take that step, we don't move anywhere.

I believe i've had a bit of both. sprinkled in here and there when the other gets to be to common place.






I don't even know if any of this makes sense..


but then again, what really does make sense anymore?

the Path

oh God...

where am i headed?

the Word

And now, these three remain: faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love.

-1 corinthians 13:13


love is the only constant.
"The love of God changes us and we're never the same after we encounter the love of God"
When we get to heaven, we will not need faith or hope because we will see the Lord sitting at His proper place, but we will still have the love of God just as much as when we did on earth.


Holy Jesus I'm so lovesick.

I'm shaking because of the void, I need Your love Father... I need it more than food and life itself. I couldn't care less about anything, I need Your love like the drugs that try to mimic the feeling of Your love... Your "ecstasy"

all I want is YOU