There is a part of me deep down inside that doesn't want to stay in one place.
There is, however, some truth to being rooted in a place, but I'm not to keen on getting to used to one place or another.
Moving scares me to death and I get very anxious at the thought of living in an unfamiliar place, but at the same time, I am sickened of the thought of life without adventure.
The past few weeks have been challenging. The feeling of "settling down" and getting comfortable has been starting to creep up on me. And although a part of me really wants to embrace that, another part of me never wants to let go of the adventure of life.
In the past few weeks, I have become fully aware that life can throw curve balls at any time it would like, and that trying to live a "normal" life definitely has its hiccups.
Normal is in quotations because I am extremely bothered by the fact of a normal life, but at the same time in some other compartment of my heart and mind, there is a very big fear of the unknown.
When looking back at the path I've walked down thus far in my short 22 years here, I find that recent years have been a lot of uprooting and leaving behind familiar forests where I've earned a few rings around my trunk. But I've learned that in every uprooting, there is always the divine hand of Christ behind the pick and axe that have torn me up and graciously replanted me.
Lately, I've been trying to explain to Aaron what God has typed out in my heart but I've got nothing more than, "It's where I've been led." Very similar, if I might add, as to the reasons why he joined the army. Its sort of funny how human emotions can get so messy and spill over, covering up every other type of logic including the illogical requests of a righteous God.
The other night while journaling, I found something I'd scribbled down a week or two earlier. It read:
"There are two kinds of people in the world:
The ones who rise from the ashes and the ones who suffocate in them.
There is no question whether or not the fire will burn."
Moments like this are moments when I know God is with me because over the next few days, events unfolded that were slightly out of my control. And I had a choice to either suffocate or rise above.
A couple of days earlier I had suspicions that someone was tampering with the lock (a weak one at that) on my sliding glass door that faces the street and sidewalk. It's about 10 feet from a fairly busy sidewalk where lots of people often walk their dogs or go for jogs. I've found countless smoked cigarettes on my lawn and figured it was just people throwing them onto my lawn from the sidewalk. Gross still, but there really isn't anything I can do.
Earlier that night when I had read that in my journal, I had bought two plastic lounge chairs to laze around in during the summer months and get outside where I like to be.
The next day when I came home for lunch, there was a coke can sitting in front of one of the lawn chairs with smoked cigarettes filling up half the can and cigarette burns and ash on the chair as well as the ground and, of course, more cigarettes on the lawn.
Nothing was tampered with in my house but it had confirmed my suspicions of someone hanging out on my porch. I honestly don't mind that someone has taken my porch as a lounge area for them but cigarettes are my worst enemy and I HATE them.. In addition, it's unnerving to know that my porch is a hang out spot when I live by myself.
I contemplated leaving a sign just asking the person to clean up after themselves and not get burns on the chair, but instead I freaked and had the police come out and take an extra patrol on my street. Not very Christ-like.
It got me thinking of how much I wish that Aaron lived with me. I feel so much safer when he is around. I don't get cat-called on the street (not saying I'm uber attractive, I just feel uncomfortable walking down the street in a dress because I've had some shady characters say/do some pretty vulgar things which wouldn't happen if Aaron was by my side)
The first thought into my mind was to embrace what was happening and show them Christ's character, but my frightened flesh got the better of me.
Fear:1
Love:0
The second semi-epic event was my car breaking down on the Friday before last on my way to the gym.
One thing about Ogden that everyone has got to understand are the hills. Ogden sits at the bottom of, you guessed it, Mount Ogden. I live across the street from the mountain. Literally. So in order to get to and from my house, hills are a requirement. Anyone who's taken a ride in the good ol' S.S. Nessy knows that the little four-banger tank doesn't have a whole lot of power.
So in coming up a hill near my house, the engine cut, and thank the Lord, I was able to cruise onto a side street off of a main boulevard in a stretch where side streets are sparce.
Long story short, and two mechanics later, I got the car back just in the nick of time to pick up Aaron from the airport this last Friday, the 28th. He's been here since and it's been, well, weird.
It's weird have a "nine to five" and having him here. I've only known him when I've been in college so it's odd to me to not be in college and hang out with him. It's been nice living by myself and having him here though. It feels like we're married. When I was at work yesterday, he cleaned the whole house. And I don't mean just a little wipe here and there, but pretty much reorganized the whole darn thing.
I should be able to work from home for the next week or two till he leaves on June 13, but until then, I'm going to soak up every moment.
What's on our agenda? Glad you asked.
- Hike to the top of Mt. Ogden, off the trail
- Buy hiking shoes for said hike
- Play copius ridiculous amounts of soccer and tennis
- Go to REI, maybe get camping gear
- Hang my photos I finally put in frames
- Attend Real Salt Lake soccer game June 9
- Attend mewithoutYou show June 5
- Stay on top of blogging
- Eat in and buy veggies from the local marketplace down on Washington Blvd.
Bold indicates what we haven't done yet.
Till next time,
the Adventerous A's.
"I'd rather be a failure at what I love than a success at something I hate."
-George Burns
